Sparrow’s Neighborhood

i've been interested in paying more attention to where my food comes from lately and just how far it travels to get to me. this includes fresh produce as well as processed foods. this map shows where most of what i have eaten today originated.

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much of today's food came from the following places:

• colorado = 1252 miles
• wisconsin = 2162 miles
• oakland, ca = 17 miles
• massachusetts = 3110 miles
• chico, ca = 177 miles
• watsonville, ca = 89 miles
• napa, ca = 57 miles

I am not at all graceful. I am clumsy and accident-prone and never seem to have total control over my limbs. I can rub my stomach and pat my belly - but only if I totally concentrate. And just barely. I am the kid who moved backwards instead of to the side to avoid the ball in dodge ball - merely delaying the hit. I have stubbed my toe a dozen times on the same leg of the same couch that has been in the same spot for 15 months. I am also the person that just has to be in a room with someone with a sniffle and I will get bronchitis.  

i heard a terrible story recently. a local father killed the mother of his 2 children and fled the country, leaving behind a one-month old and an 18-month old. they are lucky enough to have an aunt take them into her family. but, holy crap does that story put things in perspective. it seems like a hundred (little) things go wrong or annoy me each day - naps that are too short, or the fact that no one in this house is sleeping thru the night, or a stubbed toe, or a long overdue thank you note that has still not found it's way into a mailbox.... and i am one to really let things pile up psychologically and grab hold of the negative feelings and run with them (especially when i am tired as i often am these days) - either beating myself up for not doing better or feeling like the world is just working against me and kinda shutting down.

1. i have a healthy baby. his first 5 minutes were rocky and the milk allergy is a pain in the ass (literally, for him). but overall he is 20+ lbs of chubby good health. our pediatrician reminded us that we are lucky to have such a healthy baby. and he would know since he deals with many sick babies and terrified parents. he admitted to us that days filled with crying, sick babies are hard sometimes. i bet. 
2. i have the privilege to change almost every single dirty diaper. i did not return to my office job as planned after ryall hit 3 mos for various reasons. i get to be with him all day every day and see every diaper and every smile and every sneeze every new thing he does. sometimes i don't know how tung can walk out the door every single day and leave him for 10 hrs. he misses so much. 
3. i have a husband who is willing to make a go of it as a single-income family in the bay area so i can stay home with our son. this puts extra pressure on him in many ways. yes, i'll try to freelance. but honestly, unless the project finds me it won't be happening for me. for the first time in a long time, there is a tight budget to be followed..... but we're doing it. we made our son the priority and it feels good.
4. i have a husband who is willing to do so much after working all day. he will cook dinner if i have not done so. he will walk the baby around the house endlessly to make him sleepy. he will sing him songs and hold him tight so that he feels loved enough and secure enough to sleep. he will change poopy diapers and give baths. he will do anything the baby needs and anything that i ask of him without complaint. a friend recently split from her partner just a few months after the birth of their baby. she goes it alone every single night and i am in awe.
5. i have friends who are willing to give real advice. and give it gently. and not be offended if i do not immediately accept it all. and never say "i told you so" later when you admit that they were right.
6. i live in a beautiful, diverse city. 10 blocks from the ocean and 2 blocks from one of the most visited city parks in America. and a 30 minute train ride downtown where there is amazing shopping and food. not to mention that wine country is an hour away. and tahoe? just a few hours away. most importantly, our son will never feel different here because he is bi-racial.
7. i am healthy. yes, the knees are a bit creaky. yes, the gut is flabby. yes, the gray is taking over. but i can pick up my gigantor of a baby. i can provide the milk he needs. i can walk for hours with him strapped to me in the ergo.
8. i am loved. by my husband, family, friends. people who want me to be happy and to feel loved. and yes, by my baby. just the look in his eye when he first sees my after waking up is enough love to last me an entire day. 

we've been watching a lot of olympic TV. we each have our favorites. gymnastics and swimming for me. soccer and swimming (and sadly, ping pong) for tung. i also think kerri walsh is beautiful - over 6 feet of beautiful no less. tung does not agree. m'kay.

1. those lady volleyball players hug it out and/or high five a lot right in the middle of the game (match? set?). they do it when they score AND when the other team scores. huh? it all would go a lot faster with a little less huggy huggy
2. the swimmer "uniform" sure does have a lot of variations. cap, no cap. full suit, pants only (i'm talking about the men here). apparently some even wear NASA-tested materials. and it seems to take about 10 minutes to get the goggles just so. and what's with the people who take water from the pool, gargle it, and then spit it back into the pool?
3. there are a lot of what seem to be "filler" moves on the balance beam and floor exercise in women's gymnastics. little arm flicks or hip juts. are they buying time to catch their breath?
4. speaking of gymnastics. how do they concentrate on their beam/bars/vault exercise when someone else's annoying floor exercise music is blaring into the stadium? the men don't have that issue cause they don't have to pretend that their floor exercise is a dance routine.
5. why does the coca cola commercial showing some of the medal ceremonies across the years use that super sad SIA song? the one with the lyrics that say "I am small
   and needy"? are the athletes sad and small and needy?
6. when did trampoline become an olympic sport? isn't trampoline a warm up/training tool for gymnasts? they even seem to have the same commentators.
7. what is bella karolyi saying? and why are they talking to him so much and keeping him trapped in the studio instead of at the arena? apprently mary lou retton can't understand him either. and she trained with him.
8. everyone seems to be wearing that new special kinesio tape. except the swimmers.

Walsh-treanor1

there are so many things i need to learn. so many things that i have an opinion about without really understanding all the details and information. i think many people fall into this trap. you hear something like "cloth diapers are better for the environment than disposable diapers" and it seems to make sense..... but then.... if you dig a little deeper you realize that there is more to it than not adding crap (literally) to the local landfill.  like all the chemicals that end up in the water supply from washing those cloth diapers. or even just the water that is used to wash them - not a small consideration in a drought-prone state like CA. some studies have actually shown that there is no difference in environmental impact between cloth and disposable.

(we chose to use seventh generation disposable diapers BTW. we wanted to avoid the chlorine found in most other disposables and also enjoyed the secondary benefit of not having cartoon characters on our kid's ass. we tried G diapers but they were a no go since our kid is a champion poop maker.).

some things i am eager to learn more about:

1. local vs organic eating. another one of those "vore" terms... locavore. should we always choose to eat local meat and produce over organic food that has to travel to get to us? how would that work for someone who lives in the midwest and it is the middle of winter? it seems not long ago that organic was always the best way to go. now, it's not so clear. the organic apples from washington or the non-organic ones grown up in sebastopol? where do apples fall on the pesticide list? and according to our local magazine, there is only one slaughterhouse left in the bay area. i don't eat meat, but the husband does - and i have always been a believer that if you want to eat meat you should be pretty darn familiar with how it ends up on your plate. since i buy meat for tung i think i need to know more about "grass fed" vs "grass finished" etc. - and where the meat comes from if not from the farms we pass on the way up to wine country.
2. US farming & farm standards and regulations vs those in other countries.  a book i read recently talked about how the US FDA actually works to prevent some safety checks on farm animals in order to avoid discovering problems and "protect" US farmers. the implication was that this is the reason that things like mad cow disease take longer to eradicate here than in places like england. kinda like the "Don't ask, don't tell" military policy.also, why does it take 3 years to become a certified organic farmer? are there levels of "organic-ness" or is it all or nothing? what are the economics of a small farm trying to go organic now that many large-scale farms are also jumping on the organic bandwagon?
3. vegetable gardening. once i have the time to get the backyard under control, would it make sense to try to grow certain herbs and veggies ourselves (we live just a few blocks from the beach and have lots of fog and sandy soil)? i have been gardening for quite a few years, but have never grown my own food. maybe it is time.
4. the public education system in SF and beyond. this is one of those things i always took for granted until i moved to SF. when i was a kid it was simple: your parents bought a house in a town with a good public school system and you went to your local schools. most kids could even walk to elementary school. the SF public school system is terrible from what i can tell....everything from toxic environments to underpaid teachers to the lottery system for admission. kids are assigned to schools based on a number of categories to ensure racial, linguistic and socio-economic balance among the student body. that means that most kids don't get to go to the school in their neighborhood. can you imagine having to drive your kindergartner 30 minutes across town to go to a sub-par school when there is a great school right around the corner? i need to know more. is it really as bad as it seems? this may finally be the thing that pushes us to move out of SF and out of the bay area.
5. the presidential candidates. yes, i voted in the primary here on february 5 - just 4 days after our baby was born. but now i really need to study up on the issues - beyond what i read in newsweek. i really know very little beyond the 2-sentence overview of the candidates' stand on major issues such as healthcare and education.
6. SF zoo proposal. i HATE zoos. they make me mad, they make me cry. we live a 5 minute drive from the SF zoo. the zoo that made headlines on christmas when a tiger killed a teenager. the zoo that also made headlines when all the elephants started dying in 2004. it is a sad, mess of a zoo. not a place to take kids to learn about wildlife. not a place to see happy animals. supervisor chris daly is sponsoring a proposal to convert the SF zoo into an animal rescue facility. zoo officials say it is already a rescue organization. not sure what the real story is.
7. blog integration. seems that everyone wants a blog now. many of my freelance clients ask for one. wordpress seems to offer a good way to integrate a blog into a web site. or typepad?
8. home repair/renovation. there is lots to do around our house. maybe i can become one of those handy girls who do all the repair work while the husband is cooking dinner?

peeking

zzzzzzzzzz

i figured out in the midst of an argument with my husband last week (about sleep) that it has been nearly 10 months since i have gotten a good night's sleep. and by "good night's sleep" i mean more than 5-6 hours in a row without having to wake up at least once in the middle of the night to deal with a full bladder or a fussy baby. and most nights? 5 hours of sleep would be amazing.

1. he always takes his first nap 90 minutes after getting up in the morning. he sleeps in 45, 90, or 120 minute stints. if he does not wake up at 45 minutes you can be pretty sure he'll go another 45 or 75 minutes. we spend so much time trying to figure out why he often wakes up after 45 minutes. diaper? tummy? cold? noises?
 2. just when he starts having a sleep pattern for the rest of the day and night. he changes it up! just to keep us on our toes!

there are so many ideas and approaches about how to best get your kid to sleep through the night. and it seems that the approach you choose will create tension with those who have chosen a different method. everyone gets a little extra defensive with all the not sleeping going on. we've chosen not to do CIO (cry it out) - although the husband is starting to drop hints that CIO may be in our future. we do want to get him sleeping in his own crib instead of our bed though. at this point, we have tried a zillion combinations to get ryall to sleep better. a few of our favorites:

1. mom + dad + baby in bed in our room. this started week 3 and was actually working pretty well until all the tummy issues. it's been nice in many ways. but time to reclaim our bed.
2. mom + baby in futon in baby's room. trying to get him comfortable in his own room. see how great this room is baby? i wish i could sleep in here! you are so lucky to have this room all to yourself!
3. mom in futon + baby in crib in baby's room. maybe he will feel safe if he wakes up and can still see me? 
4. dad in futon + baby in crib in baby's room. maybe if mom is nowhere to be seen he will just go back to sleep w/o thinking he needs to eat? umm, no?
5. mom + dad + baby in futon in baby's room. this is the worst. a tight squeeze to say the least. the cats love it though - they get our entire bed and bedroom to themselves.
6. mom + dad in our room + baby in crib in baby's room. i don't even know what to say about this one excpept that is has maybe happend twice in the past 6 months.
7. one of us out on the couch with baby asleep on boppy. other in bed. some nights it seems like a race to bed - whichever of us says "i'm going to bed" first wins. the other is stuck on the couch with a sleeping baby - afraid to move him.
8. 2 or 3 of the above combinations in one night. those nights are fun. whoo boy. 

sprawled

1. driving down willow road in hillsborough, nj in the summer of 1988 with my boyfriend tim shaw in his maroon volvo. the windows were down, we were hanging our arms out the window to feel the breeze, and we were listening to guns n' roses "sweet child o' mine." i remember listening to a lot of guns 'n roses and def leppard that summer. tim dumped me spring semester of our freshman year in college. i was in NY and he was in VA - so really not such a big surprise.
2. a weekend afternoon at hillsborough high school in the spring of 1986. i was doing sets and costumes for the school play and my friend mike was acting in it. we were hanging out in the hallway waiting for something and he was singing "life in a northern town" by dream academy. i even remember what i was wearing that day. but i can't remember what i had for dinner last night.... 
3. my husband wiggling his butt while cooking us dinner not too long after we started dating. we were listening to lucinda williams' "car wheels on a gravel road." i think it was the first time i saw tung's goofy side. i was smitten.
4. seeing the ramones play "i wanna be sedated" at city gardens in trenton, nj in 1987 with susan. it was our first real "punk" show and the first time we witnessed a mosh pit. i remember being scared of all the skinheads. this kind person documented the set list for that show. 
5. june 1999. sandy begins singing "white lines" by grandmaster flash in the back of a limo full of bridesmaids (and a bride) to break the tension after one of the bridesmaids gets sick and pukes in the ice bucket.
6. watching U2 perform "bad" at live aid in 1985. we watched from susan's basement. it started the U2 obsession for both of us. i was lucky enough to see them perform "bad" live again in 2005 - twenty years later! what a thrill.
7. 2008. tung singing "the way i am" by ingrid michaelson to ryall as he rocks him to sleep. 
8. reading about sinead o'connor in an article about U2 in 1986 and buying her first album - the lion and the cobra - on cassette as soon as it was released in 1987. i got it at vintage vinyl. i took it home and listened to it over and over and over again on my walkman. i knew that it was something special. i saw her perform at city gardens in 1988 and she was so shy she literally could not look at the audience. i recently saw her again at symphony hall in SF. 

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4-02 Overture

Björk

4-16 It's In Our Hands

Björk

Live Box

Björk

I've been away from Vox for about two months now.  Its been crazy busy - and I realize I havent shared any music here in quite a while.

Anyway, I've been taking care of a lot of things - mostly family related.  Its really amazing just how much a person can accomplish once a decision to commit to every task has been made --  and seeing it through gets easier when there are less distractions.  I didn't realize how much I enjoy being quiet and just doing what I'm supposed to.   I usually like staying connected to everything... but that has changed a lot in last couple months... actually in the last six.. I've had to make pretty tough decisions that have affected my life completely. I've had to focus a lot on taking care of my family.  This is both an incredible and painful responsibility.  

During this period I've been listening to a lot of Bjork.  Particularly this Live Box set that I purchased a couple weekends ago.

Bjork speaks well to my [very] emotional side.  She's been a great companion during my solo drives. A great companion while contemplating life on a level far deeper than my usual.  Her huge orchestral productions - namely, Vespertine and production on the Dancer in the Dark soundtrack are my absolute favorites.  (Homogenic is a close second, or third). 

i don't know what it is about having a baby with you - but people seem to feel that expressing random and sometimes scary tidbits is exactly what i need to complete my day. i wish someone would tell me how to get my kid to sleep through the night instead.

1. "your boobs are huge" - this was my mom and she exclaimed it at the airport so that everyone around us could hear. granted, she did not breastfeed me or my brothers so she has no idea just what happens to your boobs when they become nothing more than a constant food source for jr.
2. "your baby is a genius - i can tell by looking at his eyes" - this was a woman we met while grabbing a quick lunch. as much as we like to think our kid is the smartest baby that ever lived, i am not sure how one look at his eyes can help you determine that he is mensa-worthy. 
3. "that is the kind of baby people like to kidnap" - seriously. heard this one while in line at the post office. as if i am not worried enough about everything that could possibly go wrong, now i have kidnapping to worry about?
4. "i'm glad you took him in with you - someone i know asked a stranger to hold her baby and when she came out they were gone" - this was the day after the kidnapping comment so at this point i was convinced someone was trying to tell me something.... this comment was because i took ryall into the bathroom stall with me at the mall.
5. "is he your baby?" - yes, i know he looks like his dad. and i know i live in the land of nannies. but when you are functioning on only a few hours of sleep this is not what you want to hear.
6. "he's huge/big/gigantic/fat" - we hear this one almost every day. yes, we have a big baby. and he is going to beat up your scrawny kid someday.
7. "he doesn't look vietnamese because he has big eyes" - a woman in her 90s said this so i let it slide.
8. "you must be breastfeeding" - strangely, i've had men say this. one guy even added that he could tell because i look "good" (no obvious baby weight i guess).